National Coming Out Day 2022
It's been a while since I've posted a blog here, but I think this topic is quote important. Where at one point I figured this issue is private and no one's business, I now believe that it's very important and something I need to share with everyone, Gay or Straight:
Why Coming Out is so Important:
So in a nut shell, it took me years to first come out to myself back in high school, then several more years to come out to everyone else. I can tell you guys that because of dealing with Homophobia and Racism at an early age, I developed a maladaptive coping mechanism of extreme #Compartmentalization .
Basically, I would live as 2 or 3 different people depending on what environment I was in - work, school, home, different friend groups, etc. Not only did I pretend to be something I wasn't, but I would also downplay being Latino / Hispanic in my Late Teens to even early 20's because of my own issues with race, identity, and even #InferiorityComplex . So imagine combining shame regarding your sexual orientation with issues regarding your ethnicity and skin color... don't even get me started on my issues surrounding my weight and appearance!
Let's just say I was a miserable teenager. My issues with my own identity and self-image lead me to bully other people, especially those who didn't deserve my negativity. I couldn't appreciate kindred spirits who were going through the same issues I may have been going through - instead I needed to feel superior to those around me because deep down, I felt anything but.
Had I been more accepting of myself and confident in who I was and who I was becoming, any need to project my own self doubts onto other people would have been non-existent. I would have been a better friend, a better sibling, and a better person over all.
Fast Forward to Adulthood
Being 36 Years Old today, I want people younger than I to know that Coming Out isn't only your ticket to personal freedom, but it will help destroy the social stigmas that prevent others from doing so as well. The more unacceptable #Homophobia and #Racism are, the more power we have against such evils.
Sadly, even after coming out many Gay Men and Women develop #Toxic adaptations towards themselves and others because of having no easy way to overcome earlier trauma or self-hate.
The Consequences of Self-Hate
Dishonoring one's self in order to survive results in personal tragedies such as:
- Drug Addiction / Substance Abuse - Alcoholism - Narcissism / Need for Approval & Dominance over others - Toxic Competitiveness - Abusive Behavior / Abusing Loved Ones or Partners - Sex Addiction / Dangerous Promiscuity - Body Dysmorphia / Steroid Abuse - Internalized Homophobia / Racism - Religious Fundamentalism / Predisposition to Cult Recruitment - Political Extremism or Abuse - Issues surrounding Perceived Masculinity / Femininity - Cutting or Self-Harm - Bullying or Shaming other LGBTQ+ Individuals - Suicide
While yes, I DO party every Gay Pride, and I do participate in sometimes overly sexual display, and I do possess some narcissistic traits, I also DO take Gay Rights & Self Esteem very seriously. We've come a long way, but we can't take it for granted. Gay Pride & Coming Out isn't a Night Out Clubbing, it's literally Life & Death for Millions of People Worldwide and we cannot forget that.
- Alain Alexander Mesa